S is for Sad

I hold out my hand; my fingers reach for you,

but before you see I retract my hand

wiping a tear from my cheek and bringing quickly back down to my side

a smile plastered on my face.

 

You buy it.

I must be getting good,

or you must not care.

In front of me used to be someone who could read me with just one look

and now, look at us…

 

I tuck the blanket around my heart in a little tighter,

I push the mask firmer into place

and check the mirror to make sure nothing slips out and the makeup has stayed firmly in place.

 

Then we continue our dance through life…

a new weight on my shoulders

a burden I simply can’t share,

not with you,

not anymore.

~3.4.12.10~

R is for Relax.

She sat on the porch, rocking ever so slightly in her chair as kids ran past her house to the school down the road.

Smiling she thought about the last time she had hurried out the door late for a meeting and sighed in regret that she had wasted all that time to end up stuck in the same place she had always been.

She shook her head, rose to her feet and hobbled slowly inside wondering when kids would slow down and take the time to breathe life in before it was too late.

“But for now, they are too busy to take an old ladies advice. Isn’t that right dear?” She spoke out loud knowing that no answer would come, for he had rushed to far ahead to slow down and be with her now.

 

~3.4.12.10~

On the Banks of Misery

Here is another poem I wrote my freshman year in High School.

(*image from google web search*)

On the Banks of Misery

Rough waters cried before mine eyes

it welcomes death through its waves.

Scattering her ashes (body) out to sea.

~

Dazzled with being free,

she never even knew that she left me,

all alone, beneath the clouded sky.

I wait for her return (Scared of what’s to come).

~

As I sit against the bank,

a slight sigh I do hear,

I think it may be her

telling me not to fear.

~

I leave for home for the day,

realize that I have had enough (that I have done enough),

I don’t want to wait any longer,

I should move on with my life, (and on to another).

~

But as soon as I reach home,

my life is before my eyes,

she came back to me,

even though it was I who set her free on the banks of Misery.

~3.4.12.10~

STOP!!!

I want to take a minute and talk about bullying…

It has come to my attention that people I love and care about have been being bullied online, at school and on the bus. It is time for this to stop! Sure teachers can’t catch everything but when the students whole demeanour changes and the parents bring it to your attention then don’t you think that they should keep an eye out for it!? It’s sad when you see kids come home from school in tears because they got picked on, or they come home with a black eye because they got into a fight because their older sister is a lesbian. It is ridiculous to find out that the guy a young girl is in love with abused her making her question her own life and then spread stuff online shaming her. It’s time to stand up to this and make it stop! Teach tolerance, everyone is different!

It’s time for everyone, regardless of who you are to STOP, think about what you were about to say would you want someone to say it to you? That look you just gave them, would you want someone to give you that look?

If you put someone else down it doesn’t build you up all it does is make you a jerk. Next time you judge someone put yourself in their shoes, and if you think you would do it better that you would change just think what if they are trying? Then what?

Think about this next time you go to pick on someone for any-one of their flaws, what flaws do you have? What flaw would you hate for someone to notice about you and how would you feel if that was exposed 10-times over and you got the attention for it that you just paid to them how would you feel then?

Not good huh?

So stop and think before you speak, think before you act.

And if you see it, tell someone get them help if nothing else you your self take their side and stand up with them. If its happening to you the same thing tell someone you trust. Don’t just sit back and hope it goes away, because it doesn’t. Take it from someone who knows. I was picked on all my life for various reasons and if you don’t take a stand to change it, it wont change, don’t expect someone to change it for you.

Try to remember, it doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, fat, skinny, gay, straight, have big feet, small ears, or any other thing that someone will try and call you out on, you were made the way you were for a REASON. You are perfect, you are beautiful, and life IS worth living. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.

Watch your actions, they become habits.

Watch your habits, they become character.

Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.  

– Patrick Overto (Taken from www.stompoutbullying.org)

And if you are really in a state and need someone to talk to please seek it out or call 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-273-8255.  Because your life is worth saving. www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Just Laugh It Off!

So yesterday I turned 21 and Mother Nature decided I needed an unwanted and unwelcome Birthday present. She decided to dump a ton of snow on us and laugh as plans got cancelled. My friends say that my Birthday caused the snow-apocalypse or the snowocalypse. How rude!

My Birthday gift from Mother Nature, Shoveling it sucks!

 

The snow is up to my knees in most places and up to my butt in others! It is the most snow we have gotten at one time in a long time and of course it had to fall on my big day. Oh well, here is to hopeing my plans this weekend don’t get cancelled as well!

~3.4.12.10~

P.S. I can’t wait for summer!

Q is for Question

“And that is how the cure for cancer came about.” the scientist finished proudly “any questions?”

 

“Yeah.” a young man in his early twenties asked stepping forward from the rest of the group. “Wouldn’t the same result come about if we mixed your solution a with b instead of c?”

 

“No, we tried that to no avail.” he answered becoming visibly uncomfortable with the question.

 

“Well then, what exactly happened?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Skeptical the undergrad student stepped foreword “So you wouldn’t mind if I mixed them right now?”

 

“Not at all.” the scientist replied puling at his collar, sweat beading on his forehead.

 

The student reached his gloved hands to mixture a and b and the scientist screamed “stop!” in a panic. Startled the undergrad student dropped both the beakers onto the counter where they shattered and the contents mixed. “Now you’ve doomed us all!” the scientist hissed accusingly.

 

“But you said that it didn’t do anything!” everyone behind him started saying a panic rising in the room.

 

“I lied!” he cried dropping to his knees.

 

“What is going to happen to us?” everyone murmured amongst themselves. “I need a phone!”

 

Coming to grips the scientist combed his hands through his hair and looked up his eyes red rimmed and tears streaking down his cheeks “all of the rats who were exposed to the mixed chemicals a and b demonstrated cannibalistic behaviors, and heightened hostility and had to be put down immediately.

 

The collective audience began to run towards the exit only to find that had now been sealed off from the outside by someone who had witnessed the event from behind the glass who stood there yelling sorry through the door.

 

“It’s too late.” he sobbed sinking further to the ground.

 

Everyone turned onto the young man and began to converge angrily.

 

He stood there and smiled and when they were no more than a breath away he began to laugh, they all stopped dumfounded and scared.

 

“Gotcha.” he said doubling over in uncontrollable fits of laughter.

 

The scientist had joined him in laughing leaving the gathered audience completely lost and getting angrier by the minute. “Hey, what are you two laughing about?! This is no laughing matter.”

 

Catching his breath the scientist asked “Do you think, if that were to be true that we would even have chemical B in this very room? What he dropped together was simply a solution of saltwater and another solution of water with blue food coloring.”

 

Gathering his self the college undergrad explained “This was an experiment for a paper I have to write ‘What would happen if…’. So I thank you all for being apart of it. Now if you will excuse me I have a mess to clean up and a paper to write.” he turned and began cleaning the spilled contents sweeping the glass shards into a small dust pan.

 

The gathered crowed still upset at being tricked dispersed angrily leaving the room by the door that was now unlocked and open.

 

~3.4.12.10~

 

 

P is for Pandora’s Box

There was nothing remarkable about the box that the young girl always carried with her. The box was simple, black about a foot tall deep and across with two silver hinges that held on a lid that locked down in the front with another silver fixture.

No, the box itself was not remarkable.

It was the fact that she carried it with her everywhere she went and that no one but herself could gaze upon its contents if it indeed had any. That alone was what made the box more than it was.

Some brushed it off as her security blanket – something to comfort her when she was not home, after all she was about that age. But then what child cares that much for a box or what is inside the box so much to not take it out to hold it at least once or one who does not want to share it with everyone they happened to meet? Plus, what child can keep a secret at such a young age when everyone is asking “What’s in the box?” and not tell a single soul and just sit there quietly with a mischievous yet knowing smile that would make the bravest of men falter. Does that sound like a child that needs a security blanket?

Others ignored it and most just wrote it off simply as child’s-play and something that she would quickly grow out of.

At the play ground kids running around wildly playing tag, climbing, and screaming in joy, they all avoided her. She sat quietly on a bench head down, her pigtails blowing slightly in the breeze, her gaze intent on the latch of the box almost as if she was convinced that the second she looked away it would unlock and the contents would fly away never to be seen again.

A shy new girl who was afraid to join in on the game of tag fearing the same ridicule she received at her last school because she couldn’t run as fast stood on the outskirts looking longingly at joining in before finding a girl about her age sitting quietly. Cautiously she approached and sat on the other end of the bench soundlessly until curiosity took over “What are you doing?” she asked just above a whisper.

Startled at the sudden interaction the girl with pigtails looked up and smiled “I was just daydreaming.”

The new comer seemed satisfied with the answer and left it at that folding her hands in her lap and kicking her legs. She once again looked at all the screaming kids with longing and watched a little boy chase after a ball that he couldn’t catch.

“I’m Pandora.” the girl with the box said shifting her position to face the other girl on the bench and with one hand she held the box tight in her lap and the other she extended out to the new-comer warmly.

“Emily.” she replied grinning broadly and taking her hand pleased at her new budding relationship.

They quickly became close to where they were inseparable. One day as the children played quietly in Pandora’s room with dolls and a tea set which of course the mysterious box had its own place –for Pandora trusted Emily to set it down on the table in her presence instead of holding it- Pandora’s mother called her downstairs.

“I’ll be right back.” She announced and went to grab the box but thought better of it and turned to her friend “Watch my box but do not open it okay?”

“Okay.” her friend willfully agreed and Pandora quickly ran out of the room.

Emily stared at the box transfixed. “What is in there?” she thought to herself not for the first time, and knew not to ask again. Quietly she scurried to the door and looked out and in seeing no sign of anyone she ran and brushed her hand over the top of the box and quickly pulled it away suppressing a startled cry for the lid had burned her. Confused as what to happen and knowing her friend would be back any second she took her seat and as she got settled in Pandora ran into the room “Mom wants to know if you are staying for dinner.”

Emily looked at her friend and then at the box in distaste and declined stating her mom had told her to be home for supper and that she should probably get going.

Pandora simply smiled and said she understood as she watched her friend leave.

A week later they were together again and though Emily was still unsure about the box she was sleeping over at Pandora’s house. Once again Pandora’s mom called her out of the room and once again she left the box in the room asking Emily to watch it for her.

Not wanting to be burned again but having to know what was in the box Emily grabbed the key from where she had seen her friend put it last, her jewelry box, and snuck over to the dresser where it lay. She forced herself to touch the box again only instead of burning she was met with what felt like ice under her fingertips, startled she jerked her hand back and half spun to the door just in time for Pandora to come bounding into the room. “I have to use the bathroom.” Emily announced and walked out of the room pondering what had just happened with the box.

That night Pandora lay in a deep slumber while Emily next to her couldn’t stop thinking about the box and the key she had in her pocket and unable to resist anymore she shook Pandora gently gradually getting harder until she was convinced that she wouldn’t wake up if she were to sneak over to the box and look inside “Just a peek, that’s all I want.” she told herself as she tiptoed over.

She held her breath looked over at her friend to make sure she was still sound asleep and braced herself as she reached forward to touch the box again. This time she wasn’t met with anything just a hard wooden surface. Shocked she ran her hands around the entire thing and picking it up tenderly –nothing-. “Maybe it was just a fluke” she thought digging the key out of her pocket and slipping it into the lock and turning. Pandora snorted then and Emily jumped turning to find Pandora rolling over still sound asleep, Emily let out a sigh of relief and turned back to the box and gingerly lifted the lid.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw then.

A bright warm light poured out and bathed the room, she saw the solar system spinning and dozen of star constellations along with complex math problems and so much more. Then the images began to change the light turned cold, she saw an old woman with her eyes closed rocking gently on a porch in early fall she didn’t know how but she knew it was herself. The old woman lifted her head and without looking at her stared deep into her. Emily wanted to shut the lid but she couldn’t bring herself to move, the old woman opened her eyes, they had no color, no iris no pupil just a glossy white. Emily screamed as the old woman began to stumble forward towards her coming ever closer, the old woman was upon her her mouth open in a silent scream her hands reaching out for her.

Suddenly the old lady was gone and Emily crumpled up on the floor crying. A hand touched her shoulder softly and she jumped. “What did you see Emily?” Pandora asked.

Through sobs Emily explained she saw herself old and blind.

“Hush now.” Pandora whispered as a mother would to a child just waking from a bad dream and cradling her into her lap. The box lay closed the key still in the lock a foot away from them upturned on the floor.

Her sobs slowly subsided and Emily wiped her tears away only the blurriness remained “Pandora!” she nearly shouted an octave higher than her normal voice.

“I know Emily, I know.” Pandora cooed softly as she reached over to the box, slowly removed the key and placed it in her pocket smiling.

 

~3.4.12.10~

O is for Ornery

“Get back here!” Mom shrieked in anger turning away from the freshly crayon colored wall.

from google images

The young girl took of like a rocket her dark curly hair flying behind her like streamers as she ran. She stopped  to look back just in time to see her mom emerging from the room.

“Come here now young lady.” Mom said sternly pointing to a spot on the floor by her feet.

“No!” she screamed and took off running again as fast as her little legs could carry her.

 

~3.4.12.10~

In Your Eyes

I was looking around and I found a book of poems I had written a long time ago so I figured while thumbing through them that I would post a few to see what you guys think, let me know…

In Your Eyes.

~

Expressionless face

as I look in your eyes.

What I see I fear;

it is my worst nightmare come true.

~

People in black

crying over an open casket;

the person inside dressed in flowing white, I know her.

~

Her face,

it’s so familiar

I can almost tell who it is…

~

Looking around, no sign of her name anywhere,

it’s not even a name whispered under someone’s breath.

Circling the room in a panic asking everyone screaming at the top of my lungs “Who is she?!”

But to them, it’s like I’m not even there.

~

Returning to the casket,

I look down,

the name still dancing on the tip of my tongue

waiting to leap off and take flight.

~

I gasp in horror as I realize;

that the girl in the casket,

the girl dressed in white,

the girl who’s name isn’t even whispered,

she is me, I am her.

~

Turning away,

I no longer want to look in your eyes.

~3.4.12.10~

To You…

pic I took of Lake Michigan from WI shore

I wish you all the peace and serenity in this world,

or at least a beacon to guide you through the storms.

I pray that only good luck follows you and that bad luck shall shy away.

I hope your life is filled with more laughter than you know what to do with,

and that your baskets of burdens be light and small.

May your tears be short; and your smiles be long.

May there always be someone there for you to lean on,

and in your darkest of hours, may there be a light to see the path by.

So breathe the fresh air deeply and let the rain wash your troubles away.

Let love crash against your soul and make your life complete.

Do not be so set in your ways that you forget about the ones around you,

for time is forever but we have only a small slice to live by and it is devoured all to quickly.

~3.4.12.10.~